Little Sister

So, my little sister messaged me this morning that she decided to quit college. How am I suppose to feel about this? Honestly I don’t know if I even have the right to be disappointed because every experience I have had thus far has only made me grow up more and be who I am. Maybe quitting is the right thing for her?

When we were younger my sister was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. In the beginning I used to think it was just a mind-set – get your mind out of the gutter and move on. But everyone is not the same and she certainly is not like me.

It became difficult for her to have friends and school was just such a hassle to the point where my mom pulled her out of school and started home schooling. This happened shortly after she tried to commit suicide and was put into an institution. I used to wonder what made her feel that way, what in her life was so much worse than mine? We had both grown up in the same household with loving parents and only opportunities, so why did she feel this way?

I listened to her cry herself to sleep at night and ask God to stop the pain, it made me sad that I couldn’t help her in any way. Everything I was saying was just ‘wrong’ and when I was giving my honest opinion she always took it up bad. After maybe two years of therapy, I was finally able to understand that nothing in particular made her feel this way. Everything that she was experiencing was 10 times worse than for me, it was like she got the HD version and I was only watching 480p.

When I was finally able to understand everything from her perspective (or to an extent anyway), I learned how to tiptoe around certain subjects and what the correct responses was to certain questions. In retrospect, she thought me almost everything I know about human behavior which has helped me a lot in the hospitality industry.

Anyway, so my mom and I worked together to help do all her school projects and all she had to do was write tests. This is practically how we got her through high school and she graduated with a B-average which was impressive for someone who didn’t even try. After school she stayed home for a year to figure out what she wanted to do. She tried doing an internship at a kindergarten but gave up because she was tired of trying.

When I went away for the second time (this time for a year to America) she felt that she was a failure and not achieving something. Everyone she knew was also studying so she felt a little bit out. Honestly, I think she wanted to study because she thought it would give her direction. But at the end of the day she was still unhappy and my mom was still doing her projects.

I honestly don’t know how my mother can have so much patience, because I would have left her on her own long ago. So, when she asked me today, “what do I think about her quitting?”. Honestly I am at a loss for words, because sometimes I feel like anything I say even the smallest word she really takes to heart.

I am just proud of her for trying after everything she has been through. I have also went and studied at a university after I received my first degree and after 2 months gave up as well. Looking back, I don’t regret it one bit because every single decision I made – if it was good or bad – lead me to this place and being able to live in a different country and travel.

Everything happens for a reason at the right time and place. This is what I live by. I hope that out of all these experiences my little sister will be able to understand that its okay to quit. As long as you know that you did it yourself (it wasn’t someone else’s decision) and that you did it on your own terms.

I certainly don’t know what her future holds for her or if she will be going back to study. I hope that she will at least find the motivation to start to work or find something that inspires her to work or do more than just sit around. My dream for her would just be to be self-sufficient and be able to work and live on her own.

Maybe someday she will be able to read this and understand that she thought me more about myself and life and that that in itself is and achievement.

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